Not quite wonderland
by Tennielover19
Summary: A boy falls down a rabbit hole and discovers a place that is not quite your Normal wonderland
1. Down the rabbit hole

**Hi guys. So this is my new Alice and wonderland story. I love the books and I wanted to do a spoof sort of thing. Please review and check out my other stories. Thanks**

**-tennie**

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Our story begins on a cold January day when a boy around the age of 15 wandered in the forest searching for his pocket watch. A rabbit streaked across the snow in front of him and he saw the glint of what could only be his beloved pocket watch dangling from its paw. The boy gave chase, crashing over roots and the fluffy snow. The rabbit stopped, faced him, and jumped into a rabbit hole. The boy peered down into the hole and fell in.

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I knew that this was weird straight from the beginning. I had fallen down a rabbit hole, I mean really! I plummeted down deeper into the darkness. How could a rabbit hole be this long? I stretched out my arms. Or this wide? I glance down and saw a light up ahead. It was a lanterns and I grabbed it out of the air. Holding on to the lantern I continued to fall. Around me I could now see cupboards full of books, pantries full of food, house decorations, clocks, and a series of peculiar objects. Somewhere beneath me I heard a small voice saying "I'm late! I'm late! The king will have my head!" My fall began to slow and I gently landed on the dirt floor. There was a hallway to my left which I decided to go down. The hallway opened up into a circular room with black tiles and a white diamond wallpaper. In the middle of the room was a large glass dinning room table. There were several doors of all shapes and sizes around the room. I decided to try and open the nearest one. It was red with a heart in the middle. I held the knob and turned and I tried pulling and pushing. Finally I came to the conclusion that the door was locked. Upon closer inspection I found that they were all locked. On the table behind me I heard a clatter and spotted a vial that read drink me. Inside was a clear liquid that seemed to move like smoke. I quickly uncorked the bottle and drank the contents. I felt myself lower about an inch. Then another and another, until I was the same size as a small white door.


	2. Flood of water

**HERE IT IS! CHAPTER TWO!**

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I grabbed the doorknob and realised that it was locked. I ran around the smooth cold floor searching for a key to fit the small keyhole. I ran under the table and look up. I spotted a key, but the bottle had gone. I attempted to climb the table. I placed my foot on the slippery bottom of the leg and grabbed on with both of my hands. No matter how hard I tried, I just wasn't able to climb the table. Looking around once more, I spotted a box. The box was labeled eat me. I opened the lid and found a small cake. I took a bite and felt a tingling feeling and I began to grow. I walked over to the table and plucked the key off. Now that I was back to my normal size, I walked towards the door. Of course I didn't fit. I sat down and thought that I was going to be stuck in this room forever. Suddenly a rush of water swept through the room, carrying me with it. I went under and blacked out. When I awoke I was on a small sand island. I caught a glimpse of the rabbit as it dashed off. I stood and attempted to chase it. I didn't get very far. I stumbled and fell into the mass of water that had caused the flood. I started swimming and saw a mouse. I swam over to it.

"Hello, I am Alex," I said going out on a limb. I mean really! A talking mouse! That is impossible.

"Nice to meet you, Alex," the mouse said. I looked at it shocked.

Suddenly a mass of animals were around us, trying to swim out of the water. We swam onto a small piece of land.

"Well how are we going to get dry," an obviously female dodo asked.

"Yeah, I'm wet," the mouse complained.

"How about a caucus race?"

"Sure."

The animals began to run in a circle. I stood in the middle of them and watched as they ran. Suddenly a spade, not like a shovel, more like the playing card, hit the sand. The animals were spooked, and they ran. I stood alone on the bank of what now appeared to be a very large land mass.


	3. Too many cakes

**Hey guys. I am a girl but I like to write from a male's perspective. ITS FUN OKAY? Any way please reciew for more!**

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I walked around the area and found myself in the middle of a forest. I spotted a path ahead of me and I cautiously walked down it. I occasionally heard noises in the brush around me, causing me to jump. A streak of white dashed in front of me. A rabbit.

"Hello?" I asked, wondering if this rabbit could talk like the other animals.

"Ah yes! Michael-Adam! Hurry! I need you to fetch me the dutchess' gloves and fan from the house! Hurry," evidently the rabbit was a female.

She wore a small black vest, a spade in her ear, and my pocket watch. I attempted to reach for it but I was pushed off in the direction of a small cottage a little further along the path. It looked like any normal English cottage. Wood accents, quaint size, and nice location. There was a small garden in the back with a Lizard tending to it. Shaking my head I entered the little house. I looked around, I didn't spot the gloves right away so I decided to take a look around. There was a fire place, some small chairs, and a little wooden table. I felt my stomach growl and I spotted some cake on the table. I took a bite and felt myself grow, and grow, and grow. My head began to press against the ceiling. I continued to grow until I had to push my leg through the door as not to burst open the house. I heard a horrified shriek from the rabbit outside. She began to yell in a frenzy. I heard her yell to another person. Wait, correction, "thing".

"Climb the chimney!" the rabbit demanded.

I heard a scrabbling at the roof as my arm jutted out the nearest window. I could hear the murmur of what could only be a crowd gawking at me. I felt the thunk of something small hitting my protruding body parts. One entered the house through a window and landed in front of me. It was a pebble, and more soon landed next to that one. They slowly began to change. They became cakes! I grabbed one with my enormous hand and ate it. I felt myself begin to shrink. I gathered as many caked as I could and ate them all. I slowly returned to my normal size. I quickly ran from the house and headed back into the forest.

I dusted cake crumbs from my shirt and continued down the path. I saw a heavily scented smoke coming from the trees beyond me and I curiously chased after it. I came into a clearing where I spotted a large, fat, smoking, caterpillar.


	4. a fat blue caterpillar

**NEW CHAPTER MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA please review!**

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There were several oddly colored mushrooms scattered around the clearing. There was on large orange one which held the blue caterpillar. It was puffing out circles from what I hoped was a water smoker. Then again, this place wasn't what I would call normal. The caterpillar laughed.

"Hello, child."

I remained silent.

"Who are you?"

"Well, I really don't know," I replied quietly.

"How is that?"

"Well I thought I was Alex, but the rabbit thinks I am Michael-Adam, and as far as I am concerned I could be anyone! I also can't remember this splendid poem!"

"Shame. Shame."

"I know. "

"I must leave now, but before I go," he said glancing at my appearance. I was a little larger than normal, "one side of the mushroom will make you bigger, the other smaller. Good bye."

I watched as he, well crawled away. I quickly took a bite of the mushroom and became my normal size. The effect didn't stop there though. I quickly continued shrinking until I was barely a foot tall. I took a bite of the other side of the mushroom and my neck shot through the tree line. I spotted a pigeon. It shrieked.

"A snake! Run! I mean Fly!" it flew off as fast as it could.

I experimented as much as I could, and returne to my normal height once more. I spotted a small mansion in the distance and made myself the appropriate height. I ran off in the direction of the grand home.


	5. a large cloud of pepper

**Sorry for the crappy chapter, but it's still a chapter**

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I watched a fish foot uh woman? I don't know, but it was definitely in a hurry as it handed off an invitation to a Frog footman. I walked up to the frog footman.

"What is that?" I asked gesturing to the envelope.

"An invitation for the duchess to the king of spades polo party."

"A polo party?"

"Ah, yes. The king absolutely loves polo."

With that the frog footman hopped off. I pushed open the door to the estate and found myself in the middle of a storm of china. Plates and bowls were being thrown left and right. I found a rather plump cook pouring pepper in a small bowl of soup. She threw it at a baby who was wailing in its seat. The pepper flew from the bowl making a cloud. A purple cat appeared next to the cook as someone who I was assuming was the duchess walked in. She had on a big gown and hat and the baby, the duchess and I immediately started sneezing. The duchess threw me the baby. It squirmed and sneezed and turned into a pig. I jumped out of my arms and ran. The duchess screamed and while sneezing chased after her child. The cook and the cat seemed unaffected by the growing cloud of pepper. I ran from the house to escape it. Sneezing out a cloud of pepper I stumbled down the path. The cat appeared next to me.

"Hello, child."

"I'm Alex."

"I'm the cheshire cat. I also have better places to be."

"Where should I be?"

"Follow that path a little further. Then make a right at the sign that says crazy."

"Where will that take me?"

"To the March Hare's house."

With that the cat disappeared except its smile remained in the air.

**"That's strange," I said to myself, "I've often seen a cat without a grin, but never a grin without a cat."**


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